Childfree Living Was Not an Option For Me
Never Considering Childfree Living
I was never a baby girl, young lady or woman. I was a tomboy, through and through. I didn't play with dolls. I never pretended they were babies. I didn't dream of the day when I would have my own.
I definitely didn’t see other people’s babies and melt and wish they were my own, even as a young adult. While I enjoyed babies, I didn't find myself any more attracted to them than any other living beings in a room.
Interesting to me that when my husband and I were ready to start a family and it didn’t happen easily that I felt so strongly about it. It was like a switch turned on. Imagine too, that it was like the switch that turned the lights on in a major league baseball stadium. We are not talking about that light switch in the hallway of our own homes. We are talking about megawatts.
Trouble Becoming Pregnant
As becoming pregnant proved to be more and more difficult, I don’t remember thinking for one moment, not even a pause, about childfree living.
Of all the times that I made a list of pros and cons about different treatment protocols and options, childfree living was not one of those choices.
I didn’t even consider it.
My entire focus was on baby-making. Pregnancy. Getting to delivery. Baby.
Nothing else came onto my radar.
I met myself coming and going and never thought past having that baby.
It’s possible that my husband brought up the subject of not having children, of discontinuing treatment. It’s just as possible that my intense focus on baby-making would have inhibited him from broaching the subject. I know that he once brought up the subject of stopping treatment. That conversation didn't go well. I equated it with deciding not to have children, which was not his choice.
A Childfree Life As A Choice
I do know that if he had brought up a childfree life as a choice, I don’t remember. I believe if he had, that it would have been the shortest conversation ever. I believe that I would have closed him down and shut him up with the fury of a harpy, I was that focused on the pregnancy and baby.
Childfree living was no option for me. I knew it through and through.
Kind of wonder how I knew that given that I never considered it.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the most reactive, least open human being on earth. It's possible.
I also have noticed that in all the peer support groups that I have been honored to facilitate, all the Fertile Yoga classes that I have led, all the blogs that I have gotten responses, and all the human beings that I have spoken to who are struggling with infertility issues, how infrequently childfree living has come up.
Is childfree living only a choice when all other options have proved impossible? Does it become essentially a non-choice?
What do you think?
Are you willing to consider moving on with your life in a totally different way?
Have you considered childfree living as a realistic choice?
Or is it just the worst possible case scenario?
I'd love to hear from those of you out there who are interested in this subject.
Please know that if you respond here on the blog that the responses come directly to me and me alone. They do not post automatically and if you prefer that they not appear on the blog, just tell me and I will not post your response. I can also respond to you privately if you prefer.
Childfree living a choice? Or the end of your choices?
Lisa Rosenthal's Google+
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.