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NIAW - Infertility Frustration, Infertility Questions, Default Answers Blog Feature
Lisa Rosenthal

By: Lisa Rosenthal on April 26th, 2013

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NIAW - Infertility Frustration, Infertility Questions, Default Answers

assisted reproduction | Support

Facing Infertility Frustration

Infertility FrustrationInfertility is associated with a lot of feelings. 


















Thank goodness for hope. It is the feeling that allows us to go on and try, in or out of fertility treatment.


I'm going to focus on just one of those feelings today.




Probably the best way of describing the way we feel when we can't get answers. When the answers are standardized and predictable and aren't necessarily the absolute answers, there is an even higher level of frustration that occurs. 


And we can't always get answers. We can't always identify the problems or reasons why we can't conceive. We can't always know why a growing embryo stops growing or doesn't implant or even why a miscarriage occurs.


Sometimes we know absolutely and sometimes we know maybe and sometimes we simply don't know at all. 


We think that knowing the answer will help. And often it will or it could. It could help if something could be changed for the next attempt at IUI (intrauterine insemination) or IVF (in vitro fertilization). Maybe the protocol would be changed or medications altered.


Often those things are shifted and modified with or without an answer. 


Given the intricate and minute details of what has to occur to create and sustain a healthy pregnancy, it is often not possible to know definitively why the attempt to conceive hasn't worked. 




We start there and come back, full circle. No answers that are definitive. 

Asking Infertility Questions

Does it meant that your fertility specialists (board-certified reproductive endocrinologists, I hope!) don't know what they're doing? Aren't good enough? Should quit their jobs and find something they're actually good at?


Nope. It means that we don't know what we don't know. Science and ART (assisted reproductive technology) is amazing. What we know fills textbooks and is expanding every day. It's a field of medicine that is truly creating miracles and at lightning speed.


At the same time, we don't know what we don't know. We don't know all the intricacies of each step that is necessary for conception to occur and progress to a healthy baby.


So frustration remains. Answers are elusive. Infertility questions are unanswered or unsatisfactorily answered. 


That is part of it. And perhaps it always will be. Perhaps even with knowing more and more, it will turn out that there are questions we don’t even know to ask yet. We will find more answers and that will generate further questions.


And so we will still end up with unanswered questions.


And frustration will remain a feeling closely associated with understanding infertility.


Perhaps the frustration comes more from the fear of being and staying unsuccessful in our quest to create our families. Isn’t that really the question? Will we be able to have the family we are striving for?


And for that, you will have an answer. Not as quickly as you might like. But you will have an answer. 


May your answer be the one for which you are hoping. And may you find that answer quickly.


Lisa Rosenthal's Google+



About Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.