Men & Infertility – What Do They Want to Know?
It’s all about men for me this week.
Not sure why. I think it’s because of Dr. Shaun Williams and Carolyn Gundell, MA’s inspiration from last weekend at RMACT. (They hosted a seminar just for men about male fertility, sperm and men’s health, look for events like this coming up in the future.)
Some experts believe, that in a heterosexual relationship, women focus on the babies, men focus on the women.
That’s a pretty straightforward equation. It’s also a generalization, even if it is one that seems to fit. Speaking to both men and women who regularly attend Fertile Yoga, empirically at least, this theory is confirmed.
So let’s go with its true for some couples. Maybe it’s true for you.
Where Do Men Get Support During Fertility Treatment?
Mainly though, I wonder who is taking care of our men?
If it’s not us, then who is it?
Do men talk about this, baby-making, with their friends, family members, and work colleagues? Do they talk about infertility with them, and the trouble they are having?
Many of us women don’t share with our usual people and friends because they don’t get it. That’s why we have Ladies Night In- to be in a room full of women who understand and do get it. For the simple reason that they are going through it too.
Going back to the question, who are the men talking to? Getting support from? Getting advice from? My frame of reference is Ladies Night In, where the conversations range from managing a complicated fertility stimulation schedule, to last minute changed appointments and how to tell your boss, to how to avoid a pointed question about when you are going to start a family. And more.
Don’t men want advice on these subjects?
What Men Want To Know When Trying to Get Pregnant
And if not these, here are a few subjects I think men might want to discuss, in a private, confidential place. (Thanks Bill, for your help with this one- my husband and all the other husbands who shared their confidences with me.)
- How much more time is having a baby going to take?
- How much more money is having a baby going to take?
- Is my wife ever going to stop crying (substitute in- talking, asking questions, bringing infertility up)?
- How many more times am I going to have to make excuses about why we’re not going to baby showers/one year olds birthday parties/barbeques that include children?
- When will infertility stop being the sole reason we postpone a vacation, turn down an invitation, see a movie?
- Where is the woman that I used to know? Will she ever return?
Maybe they want to discuss some of the same things that we do. Maybe. We do know, for the most part, that many men want to discuss infertility and fertility treatment less than we do.
How about taking a little test tomorrow? Get set for some very simple questions, up to ten, ok?
Check in here and you take the test and your partner/spouse takes it too.
It could be very interesting.
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.