Infertility Questions & How to Respond to "When Are You Having a Baby?"
What do you say when you get asked the question?
You know. THE question.
Ok, there are a few versions, I know that. Here are some of the versions of THE question.
- When are you having children?
- Are you going to start your family soon?
- Don’t you want to have children?
- Aren’t you getting a little old to have children?
- What are you waiting for, about having children?
- Do you have any news to share?
- I see you’re not drinking wine, is there something you want to tell us?
Or my personal, very short favorite.
Well. You want some answers from women in it? Our fabulous ladies from Ladies Night In (LNI) shared their answers.
The polite ones that they actually say, (semi-polite in some cases!) out loud. And then the answers that they want to give. Some of these answers fit into both categories.
Responses to "When Are You Having a Baby?"
If you have trouble finding your voice when someone asks you THE question (because you feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach) and are scrambling for an answer, try these on for size.
- We are working on it.
- F**k off.
- Whenever my teams gets my meds right!
- Do I look pregnant?
- We’re trying.
- Absolutely NONE of your business.
- Maybe we’re happy with no kids.
- We’ll let you know when there’s something to know.
- Do you have $30,000 for us?
- Uncomfortable silence, accompanied by a death stare (demonstrated at a LNI meeting– scary).
- Is this an appropriate question?
- It’s top secret. If I tell you, then I have to kill you.
- I’m waiting for the universe to communicate with me directly.
- I keep getting a busy signal & no answer.
- It’s really no one’s business but ours. If there’s something to know, you’ll know.
Share Your Answers to Infertility Questions
Do you have a way of answering THE question that you could share? For the sole purpose of providing someone else who goes speechless with an easy script. Find an answer that you feel comfortable with or different answers for people who are more or less important in your life. The person behind you on the checkout line in the supermarket does not need as much thought and consideration as your cousin who honestly cares about you.
There are also those times when it just simply doesn’t matter who it is, how it is, when it is, where it is, you just want to blow. And we all get that. It’s just that when we blow, we have messes to clean up and sometimes apologies to make that we really do not want to make. So let’s see if we can avoid that whole scenario. Pick an answer. Or pick two. Or three that you are comfortable with and practice saying it out loud. See how it feels, rolling off your tongue. Hear how it sounds out loud. Make adjustments or try a different one until you find one that fits you. At least in this moment.
And keep practicing it so that when you are asked THE question, what comes out of you is what you feel comfortable expressing. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Have answers to share with us? FertileYoga@gmail.com or leave a comment right here on the blog.
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.