Infertility Diagnoses Renamed for Effing Funny Fertile Friday
Effing Funny Fertile Friday strikes again.
New names for the same old, infuriating, exasperating and irritating infertility diagnoses. Out with the old and in with the new!
I had a lotta help with this one. I went straight to my source, who I am allowed to name. Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut (RMACT) hosts secret, hidden Facebook pages, minus the decoder rings. Ladies Night In Online, where support is available at all times and a good laugh is guaranteed as well.
This is what we’re allowed to say about ourselves. No one else is allowed to, especially our fertile friends. But in our club, we’re allowed to use these terms because they make us laugh hard enough that tears roll down our faces!
So here goes. And if you have some to add, please let us know. And if they offend you, sorry. We’re talking about ourselves.
Infertility Diagnosis Humor
Diminished Ovarian Reserve = Old, tired eggs or old crappy eggs. Beats Chromosomally Defective Eggs.
Advanced maternal age = Advanced Maternal Age (AMA): At 40+ More Alife-than-ever.
Unexplained Infertility or Idiopathic Infertility = Have no clue what’s going on infertility or Unexplained Infertility...I just like being a woman of mystery!
Male Factor Infertility = Crappy Ass Sperm or For sperm that had low morphology...I used to call them little hammerhead sharks or I used to say that my hubby's sperm used to stop for coffee and a nap on the way to my eggs and not make it in time.
Dysmenorhea = Waiting, waiting, waiting and STILL waiting for Auntie Flo or day what?
Non-ovulation = It ain’t going to happen this month, AGAIN.
PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome stands for= TOO MUCH, Not enough, timing stinks or My ovaries are hoarders and hold onto my eggs until they shrivel up and die! and P C O S, P stands for, C stands for, O stands for, S stands for= Picks chocolate over sustenance, Pretty crappy ovaries suck, prefers carbs over spinach, probably/possibly could ovulate soon, please come out so sperm can play.
What do you call an infertility person? "You know how they call people Fertile Myrtle? What do they call people like us?" "Infertile Turtle."
Secondary infertility = seriously inhumane or twice is impossible or second time’s not a charm
Maybe these are funny. Maybe they’re just silly. Maybe they’re neither.
I know that they made a whole bunch of us laugh.
And that was more than funny enough for us.
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.