Infertility – An Unexpected Season
Unseasonable weather is the term for when our weather is out of sync. Or more precisely, it should be colder, warmer, rainier, clearer, snowier, less snowy, windier or less windy than it actually is.
Or, better put, it’s when the temperature and conditions are not in the normal range for the time of the year in which they are happening.
I am explaining this badly. Let me try again.
It’s December 8. Technically not winter yet, but rarely do we experience October-like weather in December. And that is what we are experiencing.
October-like weather. Or if you prefer a spring analogy, April or May like weather.
I love observing and considering our weather. To me, it reflects back what is happening in my life. My life being just the tiniest echo of what is happening in the greater universe.
Unseasonable Weather Reminds Me of Infertility
When I consider unseasonable weather, it reminds me of infertility.
How is that even possible? How are they linked?
I bet some of you already understand it.
It’s the perfect analogy, isn’t it?
There are seasons that we expect and understand. Seasons of weather– Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. We know what to expect during those seasons and it is disconcerting when dramatic differences occur. Even welcome ones, like this warmer weather. We’re all enjoying it, yes. And it’s a little bit eerie, isn’t it? A little, hmmm, off?
We have seasons in our lives too, don’t we? We are babies, then children, then teenagers, then adults. With many variations in between. Some of us go to college and are extended students. Not all of us. Some of us become young adults and stay there for a while because of other needs. We become elderly towards the end of our lives and middle-aged before then, although it’s questionable about what happens exactly when.
Still, for a scale that we can all agree on, this is it: babies, children, teenagers, adults.
We get that, right? I don’t know of anyone who has been able to completely rearrange that order. Not in the real world anyway, although sometimes in the land of make believe or dreams.
We basically understand what we need to do in baby land. We eat. We sleep. We poop. We cry. We learn things at amazing rates. We learn to roll over, smile and laugh, put our hands (and our feet) in our mouths. And so forth. We become young children and the learning accelerates.
We all get this. I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know. And I won’t bore you with descriptions of teenagers and their growth. You get it. If you’re reading this, you’ve been through this already.
If you’re reading this, likely you are an adult.
And here’s the point.
What do adults do?
A simple list would contain all the things that babies, children and teenagers do. We eat, we sleep, and so on.
Add to that list– we support ourselves financially; we make adult decisions about where to live and how to make a living; we make choices that feel appropriate; we take risks when we decide to; we are responsible for ourselves.
Most of us adults decide to have children. We do. (Not all of us, absolutely not all of us and those that don’t are no less adult.) The majority of us though, once we feel secure in our lives, (sometimes in a relationship, sometimes not), decide to have children. Many of us decide to have children when the pieces of our lives are in place. And many of us decide to have children because there is a strong urge to do so.
A calling if you will. Sometimes the urge to have children is the most powerful pull we have ever felt. Or ever will feel. That urge can feel so strong that choice doesn’t seem like a good description. It can feel like a tidal wave, overwhelming in its strength and vigor.
Unseasonable is when having children doesn’t happen. It’s off. We’re ready, (or ready enough) and it doesn’t happen. It’s the right time. The right season and yet, it’s not happening.
Infertility is an Unexpected Season
Infertility is like having twenty-five degree days in July. It’s not quite right. It’s not what is predicted or expected.
Infertility is having sixty-two degrees in Connecticut on December 7th. (For some of us, we enjoy it, I know. Still, not what we expect.)
Our friends and family suggest that we enjoy the lovely, unseasonable weather- the warmth or the chill that is unexpected. They don't understand. We don't want the bigger house. The quieter nights. The uninterrupted vacation plans. The sleep filled nights. We are ready for the season of our babies.
We go about our lives and expect that they will progress in a predictable way. We assume if we work hard enough, put all of our talents, dedication and hard work into something that we will be successful at what we are working towards.
And then we get hit with infertility. And it is wrong. It is off. It can feel derailing.
We hope that the seasons in our lives play out in a way that we expect- so that we can have the lives that we want.
So that we can create the families that we are hoping for, dreaming of, yearning for.
We are like the seasons.
The disruption that the unseasonable weather brings can wreak havoc.
Just like infertility.
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.