How to Make Father's Day Easier When Trying to Conceive [VIDEO]
When you're trying to conceive or dealing with infertility, holidays like Father's Day often bring up a lot of challenging feelings. Stress and tension in your relationship can rise, and it can feel hard to navigate a day that reminds you of everything you're not (at least, not yet).
In this video, Lisa Schuman, our Director of Mental Health Services, offers some helpful advice for men struggling on Father's Day - and her tips may be easier to implement than you'd think. Give it a watch, and try to be kind to yourself (and your partner, should you have one), as you work through the variety of emotions you may experience surrounding this holiday.
Now, Father’s Day can be trouble-filled for many of you who are trying to conceive. It can be a very upsetting day for you, and for your partners, of course.
Many people don’t look forward to this day. But I can give you some suggestions that might make Father’s Day a little bit easier for you. Those suggestions have to do with projects.
How to Make Father's Day Easier When Trying to Conceive: Incorporate a Project
And, even though I don’t like to stereotype, very often men like projects, and I’m going to give you a project that can really help you feel a little bit better.
There’s a very well-known author, his name is Shawn Achor, and he has a very popular Ted Talk about positivity and feeling good about yourself. And, what he says is that pleasure is something that is potentially addictive, because there’s a bottomless pit to it, right?
We’d like, you know, French fries or ice cream. We can’t eat it forever. And, it can never feel good to just indulge ourselves in pleasure all the time. But, joy and some happiness on the other hand, is something that we can feel better about.
So, what do I mean by that? Well, you can have pain and joy at the same time. Think about when you worked really hard on a project at work. Think about building something that you really liked...
Even if your knees were hurting because you were bending down and fixing something, you were feeling good that you were doing it. Why is that?
Because, you’re striving towards something that makes you feel good. You’re working towards something productive that helps you feel good about yourself. And, as you’re doing that, you can find joy in that project or that activity.
So, for Father’s Day, think about something that will give you some sense of productivity, some sense of joy and accomplishment in doing that.
Many people say, “I have no time to add something else onto my plate. We’ve got the treatment, we’ve got work, we’ve got all of these things happening, and I really don’t have time.” But, believe it or not, adding something like this can actually make you feel better.
It can actually make you feel happier, because you’ll feel a sense of satisfaction, and that sense of satisfaction can bring down your anxiety level and bring down your tension.
So, for Father’s Day, give yourself a project, and feel free to reach out to me anytime. I’d love to hear from you.
If your "project" is to brush up on your health, we've created a glossary to get you started.
Looking for more support during fertility treatment? Check out everything our Integrated Fertility & Wellness program has to offer, including fertility counseling for singles and couples, support groups (we even have a group that's just for men), and more. We are here for you, no matter what stage of the process you're in, and what your path to parenthood looks like.
About Lisa Schuman, LCSW
Lisa Schuman, LCSW, is RMACT’s Director of Mental Health Services. With almost twenty years of experience in the field of reproductive medicine, Lisa provides patients with support, guidance and education. Lisa has extensive academic experience, having received several awards for research projects at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine’s (ASRM) and the Pacific Coast Reproductive Society’s annual meetings. Lisa completed college at Northeastern University and received her MSW at Yeshiva University. Her desire was, and continues to be, to continue to grow and learn with the aim of having added skills to help her patients. Lisa meets with patients at RMACT’s Norwalk and Stamford offices.