Infertility- His Way, Your Way, Which Way?
Mainly I pick images after I write the entire blog.
Given that I love headstand and handstand (seeing things sideways and upside down!), today I decided to pick the picture before the blog.
Let it inspire me.
Uh huh. This is what inspired me today.
His way. Her way. The right way.
Is there one?
Infertility brings some couples together, creates distances in others and more generally does both of those things, often at the same time.
There's a great opportunity for learning how to get on the same page when you are struggling with infertility. Being on the same side allows fertility treatment to go more smoothly and lets both partners feel like they are on the same side of a team.
There are so many decisions and forks in the road when it comes to fertility treatment, though, that sometimes you come upon decisions where you don't agree about how to proceed.
You will probably rely on the ways that you have previously worked out differences in opinions. Listening to each other, considering what the other person has to say and how they feel, taking turns talking, presenting information in a respectful and honest way. All that and more, probably.
If your usual methods of communicating and solving difference of opinions doesn't work, then what?
Me, I credit a wonderful therapist in New York for saving my marriage. The longer that we were in treatment, the harder it became to have any other focus. I got tunnel vision concerning fertility treatment and he became more and more disconnected from the whole process.
We found a therapist who specialized in infertility therapy and she created a safe place for us to air our thoughts, feelings and especially our fears.
If you are finding yourself holding back what you want to say, respect that. Our edit buttons on what we say are important. Lashing out at someone is not the same thing as being honest or expressing your feelings.
Let me say that again.
Lashing out at someone is not the same thing as being honest or expressing your feelings.
If you and your partner are seeing that you are holding back more and more, feel less and less safe expressing yourself without having a disagreement that can't or doesn't get resolved, it may be time to consider some professional help.
There's plenty of help out there. If you're not sure about who to see, speak to your fertility program and get a referral. Make sure it's a good fit, there is always more than one option.
Keep in mind, we all need a little help. Professional counseling is the kind of help that can strengthen and deepen your marriage or partnership.
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.