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10 Things NOT to Say to an Infertilte Person | 5 Helpful Things You SHOULD Say Blog Feature
Lisa Rosenthal

By: Lisa Rosenthal on July 14th, 2014

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10 Things NOT to Say to an Infertilte Person | 5 Helpful Things You SHOULD Say


What to Say to an Infertile Person?

approved stamp for infertility supportUnless you having been reading our Path to Fertility blog for over a year, the below lists will be unfamiliar to you. If you have read it, maybe now is the time you're able to comment on it. All feedback is welcome! These are things that our friends, family and colleagues say that are unhelpful - and things that ARE helpful to those pursuing fertility treatment.


My best friend and I formulated this 20 years ago, 17 years ago, 10 years ago, 2 years ago. We'd like to hear from you if there are things we've missed. Above all, I hope this is enlightening.

Infertility Support: 5 Most Helpful Things to Say

... from a family member or friend | 5 cosas más útil que decir-de un familiar o amigo

  1. I am here to listen, I won't judge or suggest or offer help.  (Estoy aquí para escuchar, no voy a juzgar o sugerir u ofrecer ayuda. I'll just listen. Voy a escuchar.)
  2. Whatever you choose to share with me will be kept in the strictest confidence.  (Lo que usted decide compartir conmigo se mantendrá en la más estricta confidencialidad.)
  3. I'm here for you no matter what.  (Estoy aquí para ustedes, no importa qué.)
  4. I will not pry or ask too many questions.  (No voy a curiosear o hacer demasiadas preguntas.)
  5. If you would like some company at the doctor, I will be there for you.  (Si desea alguna compañía en el Dr. estaré allí para usted.)

Infertile Support: 10 Things Never to Say

 10 cosas que nunca decir

  1. Things happen for a reason. (Las cosas suceden por una razón.)
  2. Maybe God doesn't mean for you to have children. (Tal vez Dios no significa para usted tener hijos.)
  3. Relax and take a vacation, you'll get pregnant! (Relajarse y tomar unas vacaciones, usted quedar embarazada!)
  4. Adopt a baby, and then you'll have your own baby! (Adoptar un bebé, y entonces tendrá su propio bebé!)
  5. You're lucky, you won't have to get huge or be up in the middle of the night. (Tienes suerte, usted no tendrá que conseguir enormes, o estar en medio de la noche.)
  6. Not everyone is meant to have children. (No todo el mundo tiene la intención de tener hijos.)
  7. Be grateful for what you do have. (Sea agradecido por lo que tienen.)
  8. I'll give you one of mine! (Te daré uno de los míos!)
  9. Have puppies, they're easier. (Los cachorros tienen, son más fáciles.)
  10. Have you tried this-treatment-this-doctor-this-herb, I heard it worked for so and so. (¿Has probado este tratamiento-esta-médico-esta hierba, he oído que trabajó para esto y lo otro.)

10 Things I Wish I Could Say

10 Cosas que me gustaría poder decir que

1. I wish I could be fat and pregnant.  (Ojalá pudiera ser gorda y embarazada)

2. I wish I could be exhausted from nursing and being up all night.  (Me gustaría poder estar agotada a partir de la enfermería y está toda la noche)

3. I wish I could celebrate Mothers day as a Mother.  (Me gustaría poder celebrar el Día de las Madres como una Madre)

4. I wish that I could have a child the old fashioned way.  (Ojalá que yo pudiera tener un hijo a la manera antigua)

5. I wish that I could attend my best friends' baby showers and their children's birthday parties without crying.  (Ojalá que yo pudiera asistir duchas de mis mejores amigos 'bebé y los partidos de cumpleaños de sus hijos sin llorar)

6. I wish everyone could understand how incredibly sad I feel.  (Ojalá todo el mundo podía entender cómo me siento increíblemente triste)

7. I wish I could do the things that I know make me feel better.  (Me gustaría poder hacer las cosas que sé que me sienta mejor)

8. I wish I didn't have to miss work/social engagements/family functions because I need to be at the doctors.  (Me gustaría no tener que faltar al trabajo / compromisos sociales / funciones de la familia, porque tengo que estar en el de los médicos.)

9. I wish I didn't have to have to experience another birthday or New Year without a child.  (Me gustaría no tener a la experiencia de otro cumpleaños o Año Nuevo sin un niño.)

10. I wish my nurse would call and tell me that I'm finally pregnant.   (Me gustaría que mi enfermera llamada y me dicen que por fin estoy embarazada.)


Thank you to Carrie Van Steen for revising this list and getting it translated. Carrie is also THE person responsible for putting together our Ladies-Night-In evenings in Danbury, Trumbull and Norwalk. I love our dedicated staff!


What would you like to add? What did we leave out? Come on, you must have a suggestion!



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About Lisa Rosenthal

Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.

Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.

Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.

Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.