Words From the Heart - To Our Friends Who Are Fertile - Infertility Support
Infertility Support through Private Facebook Group
Here at RMACT, we have a private group through our Facebook page where patients can speak freely and support one another. It's a very intimate group of friends, some of whom have never met except for online. They speak from their hearts and it resonates for others, including me. It also normalizes some of the feelings that feel so BAD, that we feel such shame about. I am using a post (with permission, of course) from our group below.
Might you recognize yourself? I know that I did.
"I was talking to a friend about a mutual friend who had undergone hip surgery and how, after being in pain for so long before, during, and after the surgery, she became a sad moody person to be around. My friend said I had become a little like that (not in a mean way, she knows what I've been going through). It's made me realize that, even though I don't have the physical pain that our friend has, I have emotional pain with me all the time. And when anyone asks "how are you?" I hear, "how's your infertility going?" and regardless if I speak directly about infertility or not, my answer is always sad or negative. I've become a sad moody person because I've let my infertility define me. And I really f'ing hate it. I know I can't make the infertility go away, but my (early!) new year's resolution is to find the good, positive things in my life (of which I know I have many), and make those define me too."
Sometimes it's hard to tell when someone is being honest, you wonder, is this just polite? You can absolutely tell from above, the deep down honesty being expressed there. Wasn't it honest and kind of her friend to reflect that back to her? And brave!
Our fertile friends often step on our toes. They say insensitive things. They ask questions that feel invasive and over-personal. They don't say anything at all. They ask no questions at all. Truly, they do everything wrong.
Since that's really not possible, that they do and say everything wrong, it makes me wonder how we take things in. How incredibly hypersensitive we are. How the constant emotional pain makes us vulnerable and easily hurt.
How Does Infertility Define You?
What responsibility do we have here? Are you strong enough to ask that question? Do you decide, to a certain extent, how much infertility defines you?
I applaud these two friends for their courage. I have friends like that. So thankful for the friend who will tell me the truth, in a loving and kind way.
I applaud the writer of this post for sharing it here as well. She knows that it might make someone out there feel comforted that they are not the only ones to be affected by infertility and fertility treatment in this way.
She wants you to know, just as I do, just as all the team members at RMACT do, that you are not alone on this path.
If you are a RMACT patient and would like to join this group, please email me at FertileYoga@gmail.com. I would be glad to add you to this private group of friends.
Wishing you a weekend full of love and peace.
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About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.