Regaining Balance After Staggering Infertility News - Good or Bad
Infertility News and Perspective
Fertility perspective means seeing where you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going--whether the infertility news is good or bad. What happens though, when you’ve been spun around, pitched upside down and turned sideways? What happens when there are some really tough things to accept and you finally do it?
Imagine you’ve come to accept something that really, really hurts. Deep down inside, where dreams are born and emerge, slowly but surely. Your fertility is impaired. You're faced with understanding infertility. You will not be creating your family in the way that you expected and assumed that you would.
You’ve come to accept the bad news. Because you have to so that you can move on and make a new plan. You get it through your head and your heart. You let it sink in, not so that you can wallow in it but so that you can find a new place and way for your dreams to flourish.
Creating a Family In a New Way
You walk confidently in the direction of acceptance. You hold your head high, knowing that there is another way that you will create your family, a new way that a baby or a child will find her or his way into your heart and home. There is a way to your personal fertility, but this was not it.
Except then you hear different news. New information. And you are taken aback. Everyone around you is elated. You are not.
You are jerked back and spun around and in shock. You do not smile or rejoice. You know, your brain tells you, this is good news; and still, you cannot feel it. Not yet.
You scold yourself and berate yourself because you do not feel happy about the good news.
Finding Equilibrium After a Shock
You have been jerked to a sudden stop and spun around 180 degrees. Can you allow yourself the time to adjust? The time for finding equilibrium? To feel the earth settle beneath your feet?
Seeing from a new perspective means adjustment. Allow yourself that. Give yourself a moment, minute, day, week or more to see and feel things in a new way. The shock will fade and give way to a new reality. Whether it's news that is full of joy or news that brings tears of despair; we do adjust. We do find ways to adapt. We just need time to recover from the shock.
Can you give yourself that time? Without scolding yourself? Without asking more of yourself than you have at that moment? Without judging yourself?
When you find yourself unexpectedly facing in a new direction, be kind. Expect that you will need some time to be present to whatever that new direction has to offer. It will have its own particular beauty and challenge.
Whether you receive good news or bad, there will be shock. And there will be life after shock.
Wait for it. You will feel it.
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About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.