Infertility Comments That Hurt and That Comfort - Which Do You Want to Hear?
Infertility Support: The Most & Least Helpful Things to Say About Pregnancy
It's an oldie, but goodie. Unfortunately, some things don't change when it comes to dealing with infertility support. At least, not much. The places we get bombarded by pregnancy anouncements have expanded to social media. That wasn't true five years ago or ten years ago. These days there are very few places to escape hearing and seeing pregnancy news. Facebook these days even has ultrasounds of friends pregnancies. If you could use a little help about what to ask your friends and families to avoid saying, read on. There's something here for you, I guarantee it.
If you having been reading this blog for over a year, the below lists will be unfamiliar to you. If you've read it, maybe now is the time to comment on it, or add to it!
In Fertile Yoga this past weekend, we discussed things that our friends, family and colleagues say that are unhelpful and things that are helpful. I figured now was a good time to reprint this as many of had not seen it. Below is a list similar to what my best friend and I formulated 20 years ago, 17 years ago, 10 years ago, 2 years ago. I remember copying the list and handing it to family members, whether in the words below or in a slightly different form.
Infertile Support: 5 Most Helpful Things to Say
... from a family member or friend | 5 cosas más útil que decir-de un familiar o amigo
I am here to listen, I won't judge or suggest or offer help. I'll just listen. (Estoy aquí para escuchar, no voy a juzgar o sugerir u ofrecer ayuda. Voy a escuchar.)
Whatever you choose to share with me will be kept in the strictest confidence. (Lo que usted decide compartir conmigo se mantendrá en la más estricta confidencialidad.)
I'm here for you no matter what. (Estoy aquí para ustedes, no importa qué.)
I will not pry or ask too many questions. (No voy a curiosear o hacer demasiadas preguntas.)
If you would like some company at the doctor, I will be there for you. (Si desea alguna compañía en el Dr. estaré allí para usted.)
Infertility Support: 10 Things Never to Say
10 cosas que nunca decir
Things happen for a reason. (Las cosas suceden por una razón.)
Maybe God doesn't mean for you to have children. (Tal vez Dios no significa para usted tener hijos.)
Relax and take a vacation, you'll get pregnant! (Relajarse y tomar unas vacaciones, usted quedar embarazada!)
Adopt a baby, and then you'll have your own baby! (Adoptar un bebé, y entonces tendrá su propio bebé!)
You're lucky, you won't have to get huge or be up in the middle of the night. (Tienes suerte, usted no tendrá que conseguir enormes, o estar en medio de la noche.)
Not everyone is meant to have children. (No todo el mundo tiene la intención de tener hijos.)
Be grateful for what you do have. (Sea agradecido por lo que tienen.)
I'll give you one of mine! (Te daré uno de los míos!)
Have puppies, they're easier. (Los cachorros tienen, son más fáciles.)
Have you tried this-treatment-this-doctor-this-herb, I heard it worked for so and so. (¿Has probado este tratamiento-esta-médico-esta hierba, he oído que trabajó para esto y lo otro.)
10 Things I Wish I Could Say About Getting Pregnant
10 Cosas que me gustaría poder decir que en quedar embarazada.
1. I wish I could be fat and pregnant. (Ojalá pudiera ser gorda y embarazada.)
2. I wish I could be exhausted from nursing and being up all night. (Me gustaría poder estar agotada a partir de la enfermería y está toda la noche.)
3. I wish I could celebrate Mother's Day as a Mother. (Me gustaría poder celebrar el Día de las Madres como una Madre.)
4. I wish that I could have a child the old fashioned way. (Ojalá que yo pudiera tener un hijo a la manera antigua.)
5. I wish that I could attend my best friends' baby showers and their children's birthday parties without crying. (Ojalá que yo pudiera asistir duchas de mis mejores amigos 'bebé y los partidos de cumpleaños de sus hijos sin llorar.)
6. I wish everyone could understand how incredibly sad I feel. (Ojalá todo el mundo podía entender cómo me siento increíblemente triste.)
7. I wish I could do the things that I know make me feel better. (Me gustaría poder hacer las cosas que sé que me sienta mejor.)
8. I wish I didn't have to miss work/social engagements/family functions because I need to be at the doctors. (Me gustaría no tener que faltar al trabajo / compromisos sociales / funciones de la familia, porque tengo que estar en el de los médicos.)
9. I wish I didn't have to have to experience another birthday or New Year's without a child. (Me gustaría no tener a la experiencia de otro cumpleaños o Año Nuevo sin un niño.)
10. I wish my nurse would call and tell me that I'm finally pregnant. (Me gustaría que mi enfermera llamada y me dicen que por fin estoy embarazada.)
Thank you to Carrie Van Steen for revising this list and getting it translated. Carrie is also THE person responsible for putting together our Ladies-Night-Out evenings in Danbury and Norwalk. I love our dedicated staff!
What would you like to add? What did we leave out? Come on, you must have a suggestion!
About Lisa Rosenthal
Lisa has over thirty years of experience in the fertility field. After her personal infertility journey, she felt dissatisfied with the lack of comprehensive services available to support her. She was determined to help others undergoing fertility treatment. Lisa has been with RMACT for eleven years and serves as Patient Advocate and the Strategic Content Lead.
Lisa is the teacher and founder of Fertile Yoga, a program designed to support men and women on their quest for their families through gentle movement and meditation.
Lisa’s true passion is supporting patients getting into treatment, being able to stay in treatment and staying whole and complete throughout the process. Lisa is also a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist, which is helpful in her work with fertility patients.
Her experience also includes working with RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and The American Fertility Association (now Path2Parenthood), where she was Educational Coordinator, Conference Director and Assistant Executive Director.